a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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