you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
