You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
