He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
