The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
