the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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