under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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