wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
