If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
