so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
