I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
