Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
