How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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