We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
did i just pee glitter
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
