Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
