why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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