When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
