Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
