I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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