dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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