his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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