Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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