break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
