I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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