Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
