I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
