Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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