When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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