I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
