Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
