you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
