wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
