That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
