well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
