you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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