ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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