erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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