Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You may now shotgun with the bride
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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