I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
