What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
