His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
