If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
