Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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