im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
