These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
