I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
