I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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