I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
