Already got asked if we're dating
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
