What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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