i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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