i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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