ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
