He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
