i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
