I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
