I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
