you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
