I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
