I murdered the dance floor call the cops
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
