wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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