She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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