I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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