Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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