ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
